lordoftheinternet:

i wanna get super rich so i can do cool stuff like tip waiters $1000 or pay off people’s student loans for fun

2 hours ago with 561,639 notes

alexanderlightworm:

So there’s a blind kid in my class, and today we were having really bad thunderstorms in our area. All of the sudden there’s a huge crack of thunder and all the lights go out. Some girl screamed “Oh my god i can’t see anything!” and the blind kid goes “Me either!!” and i just lost it

11 hours ago with 386,667 notes

witness-protection-with-wings:

witness-protection-with-wings:

so when i was 8 i was in an episode of iCarly and even though i’m 16 now and i have a pixie cut my friends still tell everyone that i was in iCarly.

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i pushed another child off a bench and stole her sandwich this is my legacy

11 hours ago with 57,416 notes

thefourteenthdoctor:

watchtheskytonight:

spirit-of-the-ocean:

my uncle used to be one of those people who drove dead people to cemeteries and such 

then he became a taxi driver and the person he was driving tapped his shoulder to ask a question and my uncle screamed really loud

IT’S BACK

I’m sure that’s what he thought.

11 hours ago with 521,974 notes

sailorkalar:

bombiddi:

moshturbate:

I want to get tattoos and get laid

I honestly thought this said ” I wanna eat tacos and get paid.”

Both work

11 hours ago with 217,460 notes

  • me: no one ever texts me
  • *gets a text*
  • me: wtf do you want

has 134,193 notes

caelas:

girls are so hot???? like i see a hot girl every 2 seconds.  and a hot guy about every 2 weeks.  and even then i’m wary because he might end up yelling something rude at me or making a rape joke or something

4 days ago with 54,709 notes

rupindeer:

I hope when you die you get to see your stats like how many times you laughed or told a lie or kissed or how many people loved you and how many people hated you and what you meant to people

4 days ago with 826,812 notes